Wednesday 29 January 2014

A day at the ATM otherwise known as Achtum Tunichil Muknal! More like ARSE over TIT in the MUD!

The previous evening ended with a great meal at La Cubana Restaurant where the speciality was Spit Roast Pig!! I took the vegetarian option and I was still chuffed about the the days snorkeling achievement, so treated myself to a strawberry Daquiri.


Then it was off to a bar called 'Ai & Ai' for a couple of drinks; actually I stopped after two because the pole in the middle of the room was starting to look inviting and I was on the verge of giving some of the Israeli tourists a run for their money!!


Neil took us over to another bar that was empty one minute then suddenly packed as Ai & Ai emptied out, by which time I had had another drink - some kind of dodgy vodka - and even the weird guy traipsing round the dance floor sucking on his knitted cap was starting to look interesting.

A group of us girlies decided it was time to call it a night; we weren't too impressed with the music and even lesser impressed with the man walking up to one woman/girl at a time and gyrating up her back. A simple "Would you care to dance?" would have been enough. 

We were all still high from the days events (and in my case the dodgy vodka) and said goodnight to Neil who chuckled "Goodnight my little chickens". (I think he had been on the dodgy vodka too?)

That night I had had a weird dodgy vodka induced nightmare whereby Neil and I had just been performing in a musical together and I was driving him home in a chicken bus, when I suddenly crashed causing him a serious head injury and then we were held up by a group if Mexican bandits?!  

Back to reality and the sun was shining down as we sped across the water on the Speedboat-taxi. I was sat next to Nicola (one of the English girls) chatting about theatre and acting classes and before long the boat had reached dry land. 

We piled back into taxis to take us back to the bus station and I tried not to panic when it turned out I was to take my taxi ride with Neil. Memories of my dream came flooding back, I had to tell myself it wasn't a premonition, I wasn't driving, nor were there any Mexican bandits around, we were after all still in Belize!

My nerves really weren't calmed much more as I sat inside the said taxi staring at the wind screen that was covered in long cracks, there was no rear view mirror, the wheels made a horrible grinding sound and when the driver went to hoot at another passing vehicle he pulled a wire from the dash board and pressed it against the cigarette lighter!!

Thankfully we made it to the bus station in one piece and before I had time to mutter 'MOT' we had to quickly drop our bags behind the bus and dash on board in order to get any seats. Yes, it was another chicken bus and this one was filling up rapidly. I didn't think it a good idea to mention to TC that Vicki and I had noticed the bus' huge exhaust pipe lying by the side of the road!

We each managed to get seats but we were crammed in like sardines!


We made it through the two and a half hour bus ride, despite TC's constant tuts and groans at the Menonite man stood in the aisle beside her with his groin pressed a little too close to her packet of Ritz crackers which she finally gave up eating and stuffed into a hole in the back of the seat in Front of her. But hey, at least there were no chickens!!

Having settled into the hotel in San Ignacio and after much trepidation, I nervously signed up to go caving at  Achtum Tunichil Muknal (also known as ATM)  the following day. Yet again something I have not experienced before and yet again something that sounded like a fun challenge.

To quote Vicki: "I am not here for a long life, but a good life". 

The following morning I was awake well before the alarm went at 7. My nerves were at full kilter and I was feeling apprehensive.

We had been advised to wear t shirts and shorts over our swimming costumes out of respect for the ancient religious caves and to protect against scrapes from jagged rocks. Decent walking shoes were a must, preferably old ones as we were going to be walking through slimey mud and swimming through water! 

The last time I had been swimming fully clothed was when I was about 13 whilst taking my life savers badge. And even then it was only in a pair of pyjamas WITHOUT slippers!

TC's main concern at the time was that in her strappy walking sandals and socks, she may look German!? I told her not to worry, she looked like a lovely little Frauline, then I forced my breakfast down my throat and off we all went. 

The coach journey took about an hour and a half, followed by what should have been a forty five minute hike through the jungle. However, for myself, TC, G, Lydia and two American couples it took quite a bit longer, as we stumbled through the rain soaked gooey mud and three river crossings (against the tide). Again I have to thank my new pink walking boots for without them I certainly would have ended up on my backside in the mud like a certain German looking travel companion of mine!

The eight of us finally made it to the mouth of the cave, the rest of the group had gone on ahead with their guide and with our safety helmets and torches strapped firmly to our heads Gonzo (stop the sniggering, that's his name), our tour guide took us through. 

This was my biggest challenge so far, more so than the snorkeling as we clambered over rocks, waded through waist high waters and swam through deeper areas, all by torch light. Every now and again I could hear TC calling out: "I can't do it, my legs aren't long enough!!" 

Gonzo helped her along and finally told her that if she couldn't manage it he would take her back. She expressly told him that she would be fine but needed some extra compensation for being a little person. He just looked at her and smiled patronisingly, he wasn't much taller than her and nor were most of the local Guatemalans or probably the ancient Mayans that had lived there. 

It has to be said though, considering he hadn't been very helpful during the hike, Gonzo became overly helpful during the caving. So much so that I noticed he kept holding my hand even when I was managing on my own, often giving it a little extra squeeze or indeed stroking my shoulders as he passed me in the dark. He even glanced at my chest and told me how much he liked my t-shirt!! I was starting to feel uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say anything to the others for fear I was imagining it. However, later on that evening I found out I was not the only female in the group he was coming onto, apparently he had been trying it on with ALL of us. 

Finally we made it to the holiest part of the caves, passing the rest of our group who were already on their way back. Here we were asked to remove our shoes and walk in our socks so as not to disturb the sacred ground we were walking on.

There was so much to see and time was pressing on. Gonzo pointed out the lime covered relics; the pots and urns that had been made from clay and ground bone and used for sacrifices. He pointed out the skeletal remains, again preserved by the lime, showing how the bodies had been used in sacrifice. There was even a little area filled with tiny children's bones. No one knows for sure if the children were used for sacrificing or if indeed they were just sick and taken to the holiest place to die?

It took us about another hour or so to make our way back out the caves with a lot of care and attention. In reality it's not the kind of place to go if you are scared of water, tight spaces, bats and the dark!

But we emerged unscathed and absolutely starving, it was almost three and the only thing we had had to eat since breakfast was a mini snickers that Gonzo had given us! (Good job no one had a peanut allergy!)

And so running on empty we waded back through the jungle, through the thick mud that was now even gooier! (TC took another back flip) and through the three river crossings (and yet another back flip from TC).

Unfortunately we weren't allowed to take any cameras with us, since last year when someone dropped theirs on one of the skulls and damaged it. So I have no pics for evidence but suffice it to say, it really was an Indiana Jones afternoon. The ATM caves were amazing, I'm so glad I did it, but not sure I would rush back again. For once TC and I were in agreement, though she did continue to mention a few times later that night about the lack of health and safety regs!

That evening, after we had all cleaned off the mud and reconvened for dinner at a restaurant in the city centre we grabbed a few cabs and returned to the hotel, all completely exhausted. I reached into my pocket to pull out my purse but it wasn't there, it wasn't in any of my pockets! It must have slipped onto the floor of the cab!

The problem was it wasn't just a handful of money I was carrying. That night, for some reason, I had taken out both my credit cards and put my phone inside the purse too!!

I felt sick and calmly turned to Neil to explained the situation, inside I was panicking. Neil reckoned that as it was a quiet evening in town the cab drivers would probably reconvene there for a coffee and chat while waiting. We needed to hurry back there and see if we could find our cabby. I wasn't so sure, I mean what were the chances? But short of calling up my insurance company and cancelling my cards plus not having a phone for the rest of my trip, I decided it was worth a shot. The problem was town was about a fifteen minute drive away, our cabbie had left about ten minutes before and neither of us had a car! This was going to be a mission but one we were prepared to take! 

(Cue music to Mission Impossible).

We headed towards the door, grabbing forty Belizian dollars off an anxious looking TC and ran outside. Neil was concerned that although the drivers were probably trust worthy it was still best not to let them know that there was the possibility of credit cards and a phone lying in the back of one of their cars and suggested we tell them that he had dropped his Burrito! I personally though that sounded a bit euphemistic, but Neil felt sure it sounded perfectly plausible?!

Just outside the hotel was a 4x4 in which a young couple were saying goodbye in English to their friends. Neil called out to them, asking of they were going in to town and explained the real reason why. The husband nodded and encouraged us into the back seat. I apologised to his wife for the inconvenience and she told us it wasn't a problem as they had just got back from church and could go home via the town centre.

It seemed like ages that her husband was taking saying goodbye to their friends and my heart was pounding, time was running out, we had to get there before the cab driver! I tried dropping a hint to get them moving, by being very British and thanking them profusely. Again the wife looked at me and smiled, coincidentally it turned out that she owned a lot of the cabs over there and asked if we remembered the name of the driver - we didn't. She asked if we remembered what he looked like - we didn't. But for some reason I seemed to think he was driving a red car.

Finally the husband got back into the passenger seat and we were off. The young couple kept reassuring me that it would all work out, Neil kept reassuring me that it would all work out and we zoomed along the road, with Neil and I innocently blaspheming in the back with comments like "Oh god, I can't believe I left my purse in the back of the cab" and "My god I'm such an idiot", plus "It will be fine, god it will be fine", "God I am sure it will be there" or just plain "Oh god oh god".

It wasn't til later that evening Neil pointed out that he noticed every time we used the lords name the husband would cross himself at the wheel. Oops! I guess we should have guessed they were religious when we were told they had just been to church and it wasn't even Sunday. But then my mind was on other things ... Like 'Neil's Burrito'!!

We eventually got to the town centre, there was a red car parked up, I lept out of the 4x4 shouting a big thank you to the religious couple and pelted over to the poor unsuspecting cab driver screaming "Did you take us to Hotel Aguada?"  "Yes, yes I can take you there" he nervously said. "No! You don't understand!" Neil then tried to explain the 'Burrito story' as I looked around the back of the car, but to no avail there was nothing there!

I looked over the road, there were two black cars parked up! "Over there Neil" I shouted. Neil sprinted across to,them just as another cab pulled in, it was a red one.

I practically pulled the driver out of his seat as I belted out "Hotel Aguada! Did you just take us there?" The poor cabbie just smiled and nodded. "Yes there were three of us who took you all there". I ran round to the back seat and threw open the door and there on the floor was my 'Little Burrito'!!

"Neil, Neil I've got it, I've got it!" I screamed across the road, then turned round to the bemused cabbie and gave him a huge hug and a big kiss - on the cheek! He offered to take us back, saying he was a very lucky man.

Actually I think I was the one that was lucky!









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